Once when I was recounting some sort of story to my mother (who has no weight issues) and she commented that most of my memories revolve around food. This is absolutely true. And I have duel theories regarding why.

The First is brain chemistry. I have great respect for brain chemistry. Anyone who has woken up one day inexplicably wanting to slash up their wrists and the next day is perfect normal will. It is not the be all end all but it is very influential on our lives. I have noted with my friends before that different people respond differently to different things. Some people will drink and have an incredibly euphoric, powerful response. I generally just feel tipsy. I enjoy it, and it is fun with friends. But I don’t consider the experience remarkable. But I have seen friends who drink and are suddenly happier and more alive. This is brain chemistry. I cannot explain to someone like my mother the rush of delight that eating a delicious meal brings me. It is wondrous. While some have keen noses or eyes my tongue can memorize a delicious dish forever. I can remember meals from years ago as if they were right in front of me. But alcohol? I enjoy a nice cocktail, even several of them but I can’t drink it if it does not taste good. The experience is no longer worth it for me. But I have friends who can sip lukewarm vodka straight from the bottle quite cheerfully. This is not to say that I equate either enjoyment or even emotional connection with addiction. I don’t think those who experience that euphoria will necessarily become alcoholics. Only that it probably increases the likelihood.

This is one of the reasons I believe my memories of food are so vivid. I think it is the chemicals in my brain that give me this attribute. I do not characterize this as good or bad per say, it is what you do with it really.

And then the other end: social experience. Certain cultures do have more food attachment and association, and my father’s Jewish family is no exception. Pastrami on Rye, lox, bagels, rugulah, I associate these things strongly with the joyful experience of visiting my father’s family in New York. Then there are all the great foods I have had growing up. I remember dole pineapple ice sherbet with my Dad at the Tiki Room in Disney Land. I remember the lemon poppyseed muffins my mother would get me on special occasions in those early foggy mornings before she had a car, and we would wait for the train. Blocks of Tofu, plain sour yogurt, and quesedilla’s the only plain food my stubborn appitite would consume as a little girl. The wonderful homemade meatball subs by the little woman on the corner of Irving. The fried Oysters and Salmon Teriaki from the Japanese place I would want on my birthday.

All these fill me with Joy, not just because they were good food, but good experiences. Not just celebrations but simple memories from a time before my head got all screwed up.

But of course, memories, like mirrors lie. Have you ever gone back to a place where you had an amazing meal and it is just not the same. You may think to yourself maybe the chef just had an off night but the truth is we don’t just pack sensation into memories but emotion. I can’t replicate the euphoric giddiness of going out with friends at two in the morning for cheeseburgers and teasing each other relentlessly. All the little things, the weather, your mood, the time of your life all tie in with that memory. Influencing how you remember the taste.

Brain chemistry changes the taste of things too. There have been studies where they have shown that certain foods have addictive qualities, so the more you eat the more you have. This colors the taste of certain foods. Once I gave up my favorite indulgence, Chocolate, for 6 weeks. When Lent was up (I just did it for kicks) and I ate chocolate again it was not as good….it took 2 weeks for the taste of Chocolate to become as divine as it had been.

External influences as well….smoke pot or have a few drinks and what you desire in a food has changed. When under the influence of mary jane I can barley taste food, all I am aware of is the texture of it in my mouth. And have a few drinks and suddenly heavy fried food sounds perfect! Mid level pizza or burger can be ambrosia after a few strong drinks.

Truthfully I don’t really remember where I was going with this– simply that things are never perfectly straight forward and you can never really re-create an expierence. But maybe sometimes we try, without even being conscious of it. I donno. I am bored now.

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